Thursday, June 21, 2012

Moving on Up!

Hey Friends!

Remember how a few posts ago I said we had some exciting things in the works, but I couldn't tell you all about them yet?  Well here it is folks, our big news that has nothing to do with a baby.

Five years ago when we bought our house, we had a dream of what our life was going to look like.  We were excited to paint and make our new house our home.  Over the last 5 years we've loved living here.  We've decorated, and put a lot of hard work into making this home exactly what we wanted.  But there is one thing that we've never been able to give it, no matter how hard we've tried.

I always knew exactly which rooms would be our children's rooms.  I would walk by and mentally picture where I would put the crib and the rocking chair, the changing table and dresser.  I'd try to decide what colors we would go with, which always depended on if we had a boy or a girl.  I pictured being pregnant and us painting the room.  Having a great time getting it ready for our baby.  I always imagined our cute spare bathroom with kids toys in the tub and a step up stool in front of the sink.  That's what we dreamed of when we bought this house 5 years ago. That's the life we thought we would have...that's not the life we are living.

We've recently made some very big decisions.  We are selling our house and moving to Durango, Colorado!  This decision has been extremely exciting, but it's also a little bittersweet.  Leaving our home and going to some place unknown is scary, but we are so excited about what the future holds!


More to come on this move...Stay tuned!

~Tonya

For your viewing pleasure.  Here are some pictures of us and our house.

Just got the keys to our house!!

Yay!! Ready to start our life together.

Ryan being a goofball while painting the den.

More painting of the den. (I'm wearing Ryan's clothes)

Painting the family room.

The kitchen

Painting is exhausting!

Ryan surprised me by painting our wedding day on the wall!

Backyard

 Building the grill

 The grill

Backyard 
Grill completed
Our beautiful backyard!

Kash loves the backyard!

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Post Cleanse Update

Hi Everyone!

Well it's been a week and a half since the cleanse ended.  It went well.  I stuck with it the entire time and I felt really good afterward.  I started reintroducing food back in and so far I have not had an issue with anything, so that's a relief.

Last week I went in and the nutritionist gave me my fertility diet.  It is pretty much the exact same thing I was eating during the cleanse, I just have portions now.  A large reason for this is because I told her that I would also like to lose some weight.  But, I'm really having a hard time with this diet.  I feel horrible any time I cheat.  I think I've put a ton of pressure on myself with this diet and I think that I may need to dial it back some.  Unfortunately, I have a horrible habit of getting really overwhelmed and then just shutting down.  I don't want that to happen with this eating healthy thing.  I had a bit of a sad realization yesterday at work and ended up crying and leaving early (Can you say PMS and lack of comfort food??).  I realized that because this is a fertility diet I am secretly hoping that it helps us get pregnant on our own, but when I think about it logically, I know it probably won't.  That is not the point of the diet.  The point is to be as healthy as I can so that when we are ready to start treatments they will have a better chance of working.  So I'm struggling right now because we don't have any immediate plans to start treatments.  It all feels kind of pointless.  

But, after talking to a really good friend and my wonderful husband, I think I have a better grasp on it all today.  I need to keep my end goal in mind.  What is it that I really want?  Do I want to be able to eat and drink anything I want, or do I want a healthy body able to carry a baby someday?  I also realized that the only person I am doing this for is myself.  If I want to have a glass of wine with dinner or an extra portion of grains, then I can, but it needs to be in moderation and I need to be a little less crazy about it.  Basically, I need to chill out and relax and maybe cheat with a piece of chocolate!!

Stay tuned
~Tonya

Thursday, June 7, 2012

I Miss Wine!

Hello!

Day 11 of my cleanse.  It's getting much easier and I feel pretty good.  No more horrible heart burn and acid reflux, and no more bloated stomach.  I am still struggling with my energy level, but I'm starting to think a lot of that is due to sitting all day staring a computer.  It just gets boring and I get tired.

I met with the nutritionist and my naturopath on Tuesday.  After the cleanse is over I can start adding foods back into my diet.  Yay!!  I've been thinking about what I miss most and I'm still not totally sure.  The nutritionist suggested that I start with any food that I think I might have an intolerance to, so I'm starting with dairy.  I really really hope that I don't have a food intolerance, but I'm almost positive that I do.  Based on how I was feeling and how I'm feeling now, it would make sense that something I eat makes me feel like crap.  We'll see.

I go back next Thursday and at that meeting I will be given my new fertility eating plan.  That is the main point of all of this.  I'm there because I can't have a baby.  Getting healthy and taking care of myself is all part of hopefully making that dream a reality.  It sounds like the plan will be very similar to what I'm eating now.  I know there are some fertility super foods out there, so I'm sure those will be added as well.  I do know that there are two things that she absolutely wants me to stay away from.  Those two things are coffee and alcohol.

I was very upset on Tuesday after I met with her.  There are still feelings of anger every now and then.  Frankly, it pisses me off that I have to be on such a diet.  That I can't drink my coffee every morning.  That I can't have a glass of wine with dinner.  I don't think that a cup of my half caffeinated coffee every morning is going to affect my fertility that much.  I don't think that a glass of wine with dinner a few nights is going to be catastrophic.  It sucks because when I'm in that angry place I think of all the women who get pregnant when they are drinking!  I think of that advice that I hear, "Oh just go on vacation, relax, drink a little too much. It will happen."  Yeah right!  I think of the pregnant women who can even drink a certain amount of coffee.  It makes me mad that I'm not pregnant and I still can't have these things.  Dealing with infertility is so hard and then being told you have to make all these drastic changes makes it harder.  But, I'm not spending all this time and money to not do what they say.  I want to be healthy.  I want my body to function at it's best.  I want to feel good, not crappy.  If cutting these things out helps that, than that's what I'll do.

I feel like I've turned a corner with all of this stuff, like I'm finally on the right track.  I still have no idea what will happen next, but I am determined to do what I can to be healthy.

I could go on and on, but this post is a little long and probably a little boring.

Stay tuned!
~Tonya