Thursday, September 8, 2011

Isn't it ironic?

Hi again! Two days in a row! Cool!

I had to write about this because I just thought it was so ridiculous, funny and ironic. But before I go into my story, I want to preface it. Please remember, while reading this, that I am infertile. I am writing this from my current perspective. I don't think the world should revolve around me and absolutely don't expect people to change what they do. My goal, with this blog, is to help people understand what it is like to live everyday with infertility. If that maybe makes someone a little more aware of what they say or do and how it affects people, then that is awesome. Infertility sucks, but I've gotten very good at seeing the humor in it all.

When you are infertile, not a day goes by that something doesn't remind you of the fact that you can't have a baby. There are the obvious reminders. Pregnant women and babies EVERYWHERE. Pictures of super cute babies all over the place. This recent Facebook "game" to raise awareness for breast cancer. I'm not sure how posting a fake pregnancy announcement helps bring awareness to breast cancer, but I can tell you, it did not make me think, "Wow, look at all these people doing good for beast cancer by pretending to be pregnant. Go team breasts!" Even fake pregnancy announcements can sting for someone who can't have a baby. Then there are things that are not as obvious, but to me, are still reminders. Things such as my teacher asking, "Who has kids in here? Raise your hand." I feel like there is a blinking neon sign above my head that says, "Infertile! Can't have kids." Or having to read some research about a new science called epigenetics. The title of the article is Why Your DNA isn't Your Destiny. I have to use donor eggs, so I've been doing a lot of thinking about genetics and DNA. It is incredibly interesting stuff and I really want to learn more about it, but how could I not think about my situation while reading that? I'm not saying that this was a bad reminder, it was just a reminder.

All of that brings me to the reason for this post and specifically the title. Two weeks ago my teacher started talking about this activity we were going to do. She told us that she was going to give us all a "baby" and we had to take good care of it (see, another reminder! This was the first day of class people!). We were supposed to bring something, about the size of our hand, to class to take home our "baby". So last Wednesday I go to class with an old cell phone box with some tissue paper in it. My teacher comes to class with a carton of eggs and some markers. We were told to grab an egg and create our "baby" with the markers. Then we were told that we were supposed to take that "baby" with us everywhere and when we got upset about something we were supposed to mark on our "baby" with a permanent marker. Now I totally understand the reason for this assignment, and it did help me to be more conscious of why I got angry. When you have to create marks for every time you get upset, it makes you think about why you are getting upset in the first place. Plus it was a very visible reminder. I did not carry my "baby" with me everywhere I went, but I did keep track of the times I got mad. I just couldn't really get into this assignment, which I think is totally understandable. As I was walking to class last night with my egg "baby" it dawned on me. This teacher gave an egg "baby" to a person that can't have babies because she doesn't have any eggs. So I repeat, isn't it ironic? Ha ha

Here is a picture of my egg "baby" in his cell phone box home. I named him Logan.


 P.S. I'm really sorry if you now have that song in your head.

 ~Tonya


Wednesday, September 7, 2011

I'm an author!

Hi everyone!
Yesterday we received the Fall RESOLVE newsletter in the mail. This is the same newsletter that contains the article I was asked to write about my Walk of Hope experience. It was so cool to open up that newsletter and see a whole page devoted to what I said. There are even two pictures of me! I feel proud at what I have accomplished in such a short period of time. But sometimes I also feel like all of this isn't real. Like I'm going to wake up and my life will be back to normal. What that looks like, I have no idea. And maybe I don't want normal. Normal sounds boring and my life is anything but boring. I'm happy. I really am. Are things going the way I thought they would? Absolutely not, but I am thankful for what I do have in my life. My wonderful husband (who's birthday was yesterday!!), my awesome parents and brother, and all of my very supportive family and friends. Without all of these people I would not have had the opportunity to write that article, because I would not have won that trip to Atlanta. So thanks everyone! Thanks for supporting us! We truly appreciate it.

Read my article here.

Here are some pictures from Atlanta:







~Tonya