I'm in a rut. I've said it before and I'm saying it again. I am totally in a rut. I don't know what to do to get out of it, but something needs to change. I feel stuck. I feel like I'm standing still and everyone and everything around me is moving at full speed ahead. They are leaving me behind. I beg them to wait for me, but they don't, they keep going. I just can't catch up, no matter how hard I try. So I give up. What's the point?
It's so weird, I really thought at 30 my life would look very different than it does now. There are so many days that are just a blur of the same thing over and over again and then it hits me like a ton of bricks. This is not how my life was supposed to be. I am extremely blessed. I love my husband, I love my family and friends, I love my dogs, but something is missing. I know what's missing, we all do. But I feel like something else is missing too. What do you do if you don't have kids? What do you do to fill the time? I need a hobby. I need something to do that isn't just sitting on the couch watching TV. But I don't have the energy or desire to do anything. It's a vicious cycle that I can't seem to get out of. It's the day to day life that's hard. Time moves so quickly. I never understood that when I was little, but I get it now.
I'm in a rut and something needs to change.
~Tonya
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Romans 8:35-39
Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written: “For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.” No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
You're not alone, girl. It sucks to feel like we have something else we're supposed to be doing. My days are supposed to be taken up with feedings and diaper changes, play dates and learning ABC's. I don't much know what else I'm supposed to do. And when I do find something to do, it doesn't feel as satisfying as I wish it did. I hope we both find out way out of this soon.
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