A Baby Would Be Eggs-cellent

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

I'm still here!

Hello everyone!!!

Wow, it's been awhile since I've posted. Today marks 6 weeks since we've been in Durango. I can't really say I've been too busy to write because, in all honestly, I've been blessedly un-busy! It has been fabulous! Life here is so much different, it's slower, way more relaxing and I LOVE it!! I thought that I would experience some homesickness at some point, but so far, nothing. I don't miss Arizona. I obviously miss my family and friends, but we've had so many visitors already that I haven't had a chance to miss people. And I think that I'm just so at peace here, that I haven't given it much thought. I needed this. We needed this. I said it before, but I had no idea how much we needed to just slow down. It's truly amazing to me the effect this move has had on our lives. Did I say how happy I am??

In the 6 weeks since we've been here, I haven't given infertility too much thought. I did, however, go to the Durango infertility support group last night. This decision came after a dinner we had last week. We went to dinner for Ryan's birthday and there was a table of two women sitting right behind us. I could hear their conversation and it was infertility related. I wanted to turn around and say, "I totally understand!! I get what you are saying, and you aren't alone. Want to be my friend?" Ha, but I didn't. That would have been really strange and I doubt I would have made a friend that way, so I decided to go to the support group instead. I realized that I miss talking about it. I miss that shared experience with women who truly get it. I miss the relationships and friendships that are made at a support group.

I'm feeling great right now. I'm not feeling sad or depressed or upset because we can't have a baby, but the desire to talk about it is still there. Since my diagnosis, one of my goals has always been to help people. Even if to just say, you are not alone, and I will continue to do that here!

And now for your viewing pleasure, more Durango pictures!!

Backyard View

Bear in the river!!!!

Same bear after he swam across the river.

Different bear saying Hi.

Just walking across the street.

Me and my baby Kashy

Blue Moon

Ryan's feet while sitting on the deck looking at the Blue moon.

Not the most flattering picture but whatever. Looking at the blue moon.

Blue moon.

More moon.

Bakers Bridge (this picture was taken with my phone and I did nothing to change the colors). Amazing place!!

My mom and I eating our burritos at Bakers Bridge.

Hike. The leaves are starting to change!!! I'm so excited to see this for the first time ever!

Relaxing by Spud Lake after our hike.

Us by the lake.

Michael loves to hike!

More beautiful leaves!

Fall is in the air!

So pretty!

Kash and me again! He's just so cuddly.

More bears!!! I love them (from the deck)!

Deer in the backyard.

Kash in the window. He jumped up there all by himself. Such a funny dog!

I'll will try my hardest not to go another month without writing, but I make no guarantees. I'm just so relaxed here. Best. Decision. Ever!!!!

~Tonya

Friday, August 10, 2012

A New Adventure

Hello from beautiful Durango!!

Well, it's been a little over a week since we got here. Those first few days were crazy. Half the time I didn't even know what day it was. Anyone who has moved knows how disorenting it can be, and moving to a different state is really exhausting. We were so lucky to have a lot of help with this move. I know it would've been even more difficult without it, so from the bottom of our hearts, thanks to those who helped! We really appreciate you!!

Our first week here by ourselves is almost over. Even though we've worked everyday this week, it still sort of feels like we are on vacation. I look around and see all of our stuff, but it doesn't seem real. I keep thinking I'm going to wake up from a dream. This house is amazing. The location is amazing. I look out the window every day and thank God for bringing us to this place.

I've thought a lot about kids this week. I can honestly say that I'm happy that we don't have kids yet. If we had children, if our lives had worked out like we had planned, we wouldn't be here today. I already feel so much more relaxed here. So much stress has melted away. This is exactly what we needed. I didn't realize how much I needed to just stop. Stop rushing off to doctors appointments, stop taking my temperature everyday, and stop peeing on a stick to see if I'm ovulating. Just stop thinking about babies all the time. I'm in such a different place than I was last year, hell, even last month. At this point I just want to enjoy the new adventure that Ryan and I have started, and stop trying to be in control. It's not my job anyway.

For your view pleasure. Here are some pictures from the move, our new home and our new surroundings. You can see why we love it here!

Yay! We're moving!

Me packing stuff up.

Picture in our old house.

Goodbye old house.

Driving into Durango

The back deck

View from the back deck

The Durango & Silverton train

Me sitting on the side deck (yes, this house has two awesome decks!)

Kash looking out the window

Michael looking out the window

Rain! It's rained almost everyday.

Deer in the backyard (we have yet to see a bear, but I really want to).

My new office.

Living room (ignore the mess).

Other side of the living room (again, ignore the mess).

Dinning room (you can see the other deck out those windows).

View from the hike we went on.

My boys taking a break from our walk by the river.

Ryan and I at a lookout up in the mountains.

More to come! Stay tuned.

~Tonya

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

One Week

Hey Everyone!

One week, that's all we have left. I still can't believe that we are moving to Durango in one week. I'm not sure if it just hasn't hit me yet, but I'm not that nervous or scared. Every time I think of it, I get so excited! I'm excited for this adventure. I'm excited to do something totally out of my comfort zone. I'm excited for a change. I really feel like only good things can come from this move. I know I"ll probably get a little sad in the coming days. We are leaving all our friends and family here. I've never left Arizona so this is a huge deal for me, but I'm just so excited!!

We've had a lot of people tell us lately that they are so jealous of us. I've been hearing it, but it wasn't until this weekend after church that it really hit me. We have been so blessed! We are in such a unique position. We both work for an amazing company that is letting us keep our jobs and work from home full time. And as much as we want children, because we don't have them, we are able to pick up and go anywhere we want without taking kids into consideration. I think it's so easy to sometimes get caught up in the things that we want and don't have, that we forget to look at what we do have. We are so blessed. When I look back on the last few years I find it so interesting how it's all worked out to lead us to this very spot.

I so believe it's true that God has a plan for our lives. He knows what he is doing. He sees the big picture. I just can't wait to see what comes next!!

My favorite verse, the one that keeps me going through all of this.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

~Tonya

Monday, July 16, 2012

Why Durango?

Hey Everyone!

It has a been a super busy few weeks and it's only going to get crazier. For those of you that don't know, we signed a year lease on an amazing house in Durango last weekend and we will be moving August 1st!! That gives us less than 3 weeks to pack up our entire house!! Thank God for family and friends who are willing to help!

I did want to write a little bit about how this decision came about and why we chose Durango.

As you all have witnessed on this blog, this year has been tough for me so far. I've struggled a lot. I was starting to feel very stuck and unhappy. My life was not going the way I had envisioned and I was having a hard time accepting that. In mid April I really started to feel that something needed to change.

When I first met Ryan he told me that his dream would be to move back to Colorado some day. He lived in Durango for a year and he's always said that it was one of the best years of his life. I've never ever wanted to move. I liked where I lived and had no desire to leave. Plus my family and friends are here and I never wanted to move far away from them. After we got married, we just assumed that we would live here forever and it was fine for both of us. We bought our house and figured after a couple of years we would have some kids and live happily ever after. Obviously that didn't happen.

Infertility has 100% changed our lives.

One Monday at work this overwhelming desire to move came over me and I spent the whole day looking at houses in Durango. I got home that evening and told Ryan what I had spent my day doing and he said, "Don't mess with me, you know how much I would love to live there." I told him that I was serious, that I really think we need a change of scenery. From that day it moved very very quickly. We met with the Realtors and had our house on the market less than 2 weeks later.

Since the decision to move has been made, I have felt so excited and hopeful. I know this is the right thing for us to do. I'm ready for a different lifestyle. I'm ready to be more active, and live in a small town. I'm ready to just enjoy life and not stress about babies and infertility. I know this move is not going to "fix" our infertility. And I absolutely know that I am not running away from anything. The fact is when it comes to infertility, it will follow us where ever we go, because I am infertile. Period.

We've already had people tell us that we will probably get pregnant when we get there and to be ready. This annoys me. It is not stress that is keeping us from having a baby. In the 3 years since we've been trying, we've been on many stress free vacations and nothing has happened. I have a diagnosed issue. That being said, I do believe in miracles. If God wants to grant us our desire to have a baby when we move, we will be thrilled, but that is NOT why we are moving. I think we are done trying for a little while. Having a baby is no longer my main priority. I want to take care of myself. I want to enjoy our time in our new home, in a new town. I want to enjoy our life together, just the two of us (and our dogs!). The truth is I could wait another 10 years and be in the same spot I am now, doing donor egg IVF. I doubt we will wait that long, but who knows what the future holds. I sure don't...

Here are some pictures of where we will be living!