Well, I've been inseminated and now we are waiting. I sort of explained how the whole process worked, I took drugs to stimulate my ovaries, got lots of ultrasounds to check my follicles, got a couple different hormone shots and then the insemination happened. I'm not going to share the exact date of the insemination because I need to at least keep that to us for now.
When I went in for the first ultrasound on Christmas Day to see how my body responded to the first 5 days of drugs I felt a little discouraged. I only had one good follicle on my right side and that was it. In a really good scenario you want 2 to 4 follicles. But this is my issue. This is why I'm infertile. I don't have the egg quantity that I should. I voiced my concern to the Dr and he said not to worry, it only takes one, so I've been trying to focus on that since then. It only takes one. All I need is one good egg!
The day of the insemination I was so nervous. I just wanted it to be done. Since this was our first one, I didn't really know what to expect. I didn't know how it would feel, or how long it would take. I'm so happy that it went smoothly. It was actually really easy, you know, minus the whole having to be inseminated part.
So, now we wait and try not think about any of it. I've actually done really well so far. I really dislike fertility treatments. Doing this cycle reminded me of that fact. The drugs are hard on my body. I had a headache for nearly 7 days, I felt so emotional and sensitive and just not myself. It's a very stressful thing for couples to do and I hated how it felt, so after that insemination was over, I felt so relieved! I felt like myself again. It was wonderful. I think that joy of feeling normal has gotten me through a good portion of the 2 week wait, but that does not mean it's been easy.
When you do fertility treatments and are in the waiting stage, there is a fear of hope. You don't want to get your hopes up too much because if you do, the failure is so much harder to take. I went into this cycle very positive and feeling really good. I still feel pretty good and feel pretty calm, but keeping the hope and faith gets harder and harder as the days goes by. This is what infertility is. A constant roller-coaster of emotions. You have hope that you're pregnant, that it finally happened and then you get your period and you come crashing down. And when this happens month after month, year after year, it gets harder and harder to have any hope at all. I tattooed the word on my wrist. I look at it every day. I had to have that permanent reminder to keep hope alive. It's not easy and it's a constant internal struggle. All day I'm trying to squash negative thoughts that pop into my head and replace them with positive ones. I'm trying to picture myself pregnant instead of planning out next months treatments. It's never ending and it's exhausting.
I will say that your prayers, positive thoughts and words of encouragement have helped us so much this cycle!! So so much.We feel them all. That's why I've felt relatively calm and at peace with everything. It's still hard, but it has helped knowing that everyone out there is hoping and praying for the same outcome that we are. I'm sure some of you have wondered if I will share the news
P.S. I know some of you out there have wanted to ask us how we are doing or what's going on but have been concerned about bugging us. I appreciate your desire to give us space, but please ask. Please feel free to check in and see how we are doing. We love receiving messages from our friends and family. A large reason I created this blog was to educate people about infertility so if you have a question, ask me or Ryan.You will not hurt our feelings if you don't quite understand how it all works.