If I'm Not a Mom, What Am I?

Hi Everyone!

I've had a lot on my mind recently and I've been reading some things that have really got me thinking even more.  A lot of people I know have been having babies lately and I keep seeing comments that say something to the affect of, "your life has really started now that you've had a child".  While I know the people who say these things are parents themselves and are just so excited for their friend or loved one to join the parenting club, I can't help but wonder what they think of people who never have kids, be it by choice or circumstance.  If your life doesn't truly start until you have a baby, then what the hell have I been doing for the past 30 years?  It's an interesting thought.

Now I am absolutely not trying to bash anyone here, it just really makes me think about the world we live in and the norms of our society.  I know that having a child is one of the biggest life changers there is and you can't really understand it until you've experienced it.  I also know that it is extremely hard work being a parent and people like to know that someone they are close to is experiencing the same joys and struggles as they are.  I just wonder if those parents out there look at someone like me, who has not been able to reproduce, as somehow less.  Like I am not really living, my life is lacking in some way and I will not be whole until I have a baby.

I have a good friend who doesn't  want to have children.  I remember when I first found this out about her, I thought it was so strange.  I realize now that I didn't even think about the option to not be a mom.  I assumed every woman out there wanted that title.  I think many people assume that about women.  You grow up, you get married, maybe you start a career, but then you have a baby and become a mom.  Some women keep the career after becoming a mom, but others decide that Mom is what they are now.  I feel like there can be a negative reaction to women who are not moms.  I've seen comments that say things like, "Their career is just too important for them to have a baby", or "they are just really selfish, they are one of those women". What does that mean, 'those women'?  You would really be amazed at the nasty things other women say, but that's a blog for another day.

The point is that before I experienced this time in my life where I am a 'non-mom' I thought all women wanted to be moms.  I didn't know there was more to being an adult woman than being a mom.  I can admit that I've had a hard time defining myself since all this infertility stuff started because my goal was always to be a mom.  That was my life's ambition and I never had a backup plan.  So if I never become a mom, what am I?  I'm starting to realize that I'm so much more.  I'm a daughter, a wife, a sister, a friend, an infertility blogger, a doggie mom and so on.  I also know that when or if we have kids, I will have that much more to teach them.  But until then, I am really living my life, maybe not the 'normal' way, but you can believe I'm living it!

~Tonya

5 Years...

Hi Everyone!!

Tomorrow is our 5 year anniversary.  I can't believe it's been 5 years already.  I've been feeling a little sad and I guess, pensive, this week.  I just can't help but think of where we thought we'd be at 5 years.  I thought we'd have one child and probably be working on a second.  I thought we'd be living in AZ.  I thought we'd be those happy, but tired parents.  I most certainly didn't see us living in Durango with two dogs and no kids.

I've been going through our wedding pictures and I feel like I hardly recognize that girl who got married 5 years ago.  She looks so young and fresh and happy.  She was so full of excitement over what she had planned for her new life with her husband.  It makes me both happy and sad to look at those pictures.

I think another reason our anniversary makes me a little sad is because it was around our second anniversary that we decided to start trying to have a baby.  It's been 3 years now.  I can't believe we've been trying for 3 years.  And I wonder how much longer we will be married before we have a child/children.  Will we celebrate 7, or 8, or 10 years without children?  It's strange because I can picture that now.  The longer it's just the two of us, the harder it is to imagine children in our lives.  This scares me a bit.

Obviously my life is not where I thought it would be on that day 5 years ago and I have no way of knowing what will happen in the next 5 years.  I do know that I am married to the most wonderful man.  This whole infertility business sucks, but I am so thankful that I have Ryan by my side.  I can't wait to see what the next 5 years holds!!

Happy 5 years to Us!! \Here are some pictures for your enjoyment! I'm warning you, I had a hard time choosing so there are a lot of them!

Wow, that was a lot of pictures!

~Tonya