After the orientation we were all separated into 2 classes for our 3 weeks of training. I ended up seated right next to Ryan and by the end of that first day it felt like we had known each other for years. I know that sounds so cliche, but we really just clicked. By the end of the first week I was telling my mom that I was going to marry Hot Ryan. Now for those of you wondering, I had to nickname him Hot Ryan because my brother's name is also Ryan.
The second week of training I found out the man of my dreams was seeing someone else. I was pretty bummed about that, but it also took the pressure off the situation and gave us time to just be friends. During those 3 weeks of training, when I was an absolute basket case, Ryan was able to keep me calm. I had never met anyone in my life who had such a calming effect on me. I know I can be a pretty high strung person and he always knew just what to say to make me feel better. And I was always laughing with him. We just had so much fun together.
By April of 2006 the relationship that he was in ended and by July of 2006 we were officially a couple. From that point on it moved pretty fast. Ryan proposed on February 13, 2007. We decided to do a destination wedding because neither of us wanted to deal with the big wedding. On October 19, 2007 we got married on Magen's Bay in St. Thomas. It was the perfect beach wedding! We were finally married and ready to start our lives together!
We both decided that it was very important to each of us to be married for a few years before we started to have children. If we only knew what it was going to take to have kids. Ha! Anyway, we absolutely enjoyed our first 2 years of marriage. We traveled and enjoyed spending time with each other. When it was time to start trying for a baby we were excited. It's fun to try and get pregnant!
As the months passed and I started to get more concerned, it started to feel a little less fun, and more like a job. When you're peeing on sticks every morning to see if your ovulating and timing sex it really starts to lose it's appeal. And when you've decided that you are ready for a baby, something happens to you. I have never wanted anything more in my life and I had absolutely no control over it. It's a very strange feeling. I knew so many people who just decided they were ready to have a baby and then boom, they were pregnant. Or the ones who didn't decide and got pregnant. Were we doing something wrong? I started to get absolutely obsessed with having a baby and with everything related to a baby. I was checking the Internet for pregnancy symptoms daily, you know, just in case the weird pain in my knee was somehow related to pregnancy and they had just figured it out! I was also reading parenting blogs, I know, getting really ahead of myself. I was a crazy person!
If you've read my first blog you know what happened next. Our diagnosis shocked us. Never did we ever imagine that it was going to be that bad. I mean, who really thinks about infertility. Unless you know someone who has gone through it, it doesn't usually register on your radar. It definitely didn't on ours, but now it is our life. We think about it every single day.
I believe God has a plan for our life, we both do. I know that nothing is impossible for God. I also know that we can not just sit here twiddling our thumbs, hoping and praying for a miracle. God puts things in our lives for a reason, and some of those things are very hard. I can tell you that this infertility has changed us. We feel closer than ever. It's also had a profound effect on me. And if you've known me for a long time you would probably agree with that. It's funny how something so heartbreaking can have a positive influence on my life. Don't get me wrong, I want a baby very bad. I want MY OWN baby, but there is a larger plan at work here. Since being diagnosed I've decided that it is my goal to raise awareness for infertility. So many people suffer in silence. I refuse to be one of those people.
~Tonya
