Cycle two is done. I'm going to get right to the point and tell you that it didn't work. Again, not a huge surprise, but I had a little more hope for this one. I'm not sure if it works this way for other women doing these treatments, but there comes a point when I just know it didn't work. I don't need my period to show up or to take a test to know that I'm absolutely not pregnant. It's weird, but I guess it also helps me to deal with it when that test day comes and I get a negative result.
We had originally planned to do three cycles and then take a break. We were going to do an IUI for the third cycle, just to maybe give us a little better shot at a positive. That was the plan until last week. Last week I just started to feel like I didn't want to do another cycle right now. I don't want to take drugs, have multiple ultrasounds and have a Dr tell us when we have to DTD. I don't want to spent another $1550 on a cycle that I really feel won't work. We've already spent almost $3000 and it's only the middle of February!! We knew that money would become an issue at some point and that point came a little sooner than we expected. So after talking about it, we both decided that our heads are not in the right place right now to do another cycle. We are going to try a different route.
Before we left AZ I was seeing a naturopathic Dr. I was going weekly to get acupuncture and massages. I was also trying to see a chiropractor regularly, but wasn't doing a great job at that. I loved that Dr. I loved all the natural stuff I was doing, but I was also so stressed that I wasn't all that great at it. Part of our goal when moving here was to really try to get healthier and more active and most of all, reduce our stress. I think we've done great at reducing stress and we are working on getting healthier and more active. We recently found a chiropractor close to our house. Our decision, for right now, is to see him regularly and continue making healthy positive choices for our overall health.
I have to acknowledge that we may end up back at the RE's office. I'm not expecting to get pregnant just by getting adjusted regularly and being healthy. That would be amazing, but I need to be realistic, hopeful, but realistic I've done the research and I know how important spine health is, but I also know how important those fertility Drs are. You know, I just get so damn frustrated when I think of how much it all costs. I read so many stories every single day of women and men doing cycle after cycle and not getting any results. Now that I've done a couple of cycles, and know how much they cost and the toll they take on the body, it makes my heart break for these couples. All we all want is a baby, a family, to be a mom and a dad. It should not be this hard, but for millions of people, it is their every day struggle.
It never ceases to amaze me the twists and turns of this journey. The decisions that we make sometimes even surprise me, but I'm always so sure that it's the right one at that time. I read a pin on Pinterest the other day that really resonated with me. It said , "Do not follow your heart. Follow the conviction of the Holy Spirit." That's always my goal.
~Tonya
Please consider helping me raise money for RESOLVE, a wonderful organization that has helped me from the very beginning. They do everything they can to raise awareness for those of us with infertility. The Arizona Walk of Hope will take place on March 23rd. Like I have the last two years, I am raising money and hopefully will be there to walk. No one should walk this journey alone.
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