I'm back and I'm 30!

Hi Everyone!

Sorry for the delay in this post. I was going to write last week, but my computer became infected with a ton of viruses after we got home from the cruise, and I just got it back Sunday night. Thank goodness for my brother who knows how to fix computers!

Let's talk a bit about my 30th birthday cruise. It was wonderful! We went to San Juan, St Thomas and St Maarten. I honestly think that it was one of the best vacations I've ever had. We had so much fun! Our group was amazing. I was really able to relax and just enjoy myself. I didn't want to come back home. I think for many people, it can be hard to come back to reality after an awesome vacation. Well for me, it was really hard. Last Monday and Tuesday I was kind of depressed. I wanted to be back on the ship, not thinking about all the hard stuff, just enjoying my family and friends. I'm feeling much better now, but last week was tough.

So, on to the hard stuff. I finally talked to the lady who runs the donor agency about our donor backing out. She told me what she said in the email, that they absolutely do not negotiate with the donors. They tried to reason with her, but ultimately she chose to go with an agency that would pay her more money. She is sending us a new updated list of all the donors. I will look through them, but I think Ryan and I have decided to wait a little longer to do the IVF. We just feel like the timing is not good right now. I'm not totally sure when we will start the process again, but for right now we are waiting. It does scare me some because I think that we will always be able to say the timing isn't good. Life happens and it's messy. If everyone waited until they were really ready to have kids, there probably wouldn't be very many people in the world. It's just so different with IVF. I'm going to admit that I am absolutely terrified to do IVF. I think a lot of people hear IVF and just assume that it will work and the person will end up with more than one baby, but the truth is, that on average, it takes 3 cycles to get pregnant. I'm scared it will fail. I'm scared that I will be too stressed and my body will not respond. I'm scared because we have to rely on a third person's body to respond to the drugs. We have to rely on a third person to follow through and not back out for more money. You can see why it's very easy to want to put it off. Why would any sane person want to do something that they know will cause them so much stress? I know I was so excited when we found the donor, but once it got closer and I had to start making appointments, I was a nervous wreck! Unless you have gone through the treatments, it's impossible to understand the emotional and physical stress. I don't even fully understand. I just know that it is going to be very hard, so we are waiting a little while longer.

Now you know why I didn't want to come back home after an awesome week of not worrying about any of this. But, that's not the way life works. I'm so thankful that I was able to go on such a wonderful vacation! We really did have the best time. Now, I will just take it day by day and we'll see what happens next!

I will leave you all with some pictures from the cruise. We took so many it was hard to decide which ones to share. Enjoy!

Just relaxing

 On the balcony

 First formal night

 Beautiful Ship!

 San Juan

 San Juan

 My 30th Birthday blue diamond ring!!!

 Magen's Bay St. Thomas. The beach we got married on almost 5 years ago!

 Birthday dinner

 They decorated our room for my birthday!

 Hanging out

 St. Maarten

 St. Maarten

 Second formal night

 Lobster night!!

 Dinner

 Hanging out some more

 We're number 1!

 Kisses!

Being silly in the library